Naruto stupid Random moments
by TwoDragonFire
Summary: Everyone has stupid moments, even the Naruto gang! Naruto is a princess pixie! Hinata loves Yaoi! Gaara hates cookies and loves Bunnies! Shino's bringing Sexy back! Someone save us! Too much CRACK! Slight yaoi warnings. NejiTen, LeeAya, OOC warning.
1. Naruto, Pretty Princess Pixie!

**A.N: Quick! To the cars! It's time for complete and utter stupidity! NARUTO STYLE! WARNING…These idiots may get into a bit o' yaoi. ****Underline is me talking to the characters! ****Not the narration.**

**Disclaimer: **_**I do not own anything. No matter how stupid it gets.**_

Naruto skipped along the bridge to meet his teammates. He was also humming 'hips don't lie', then he tripped and fell on his face. He stood back up and began humming 'girls just wanna have fun' instead. Then, he saw Sakura!

"Hi Sakura! Where's Sasuke?"

"With Orochimaru you idiot! Remember!?"

"Oh right! I should be getting him back instead of being here! La, la, la, la, la!" He sang the la's as he skipped. Sakura wondered why he was acting like that. Naruto then jumped into a bush, then came out wearing a bright pink dress! And singing… "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And witty! And GAY!" Sakura's mouth hung open, she knew something was wrong. Be hold, that is when Kakashi came!

"Kakashi sensei, please look at Naruto." Sakura pointed towards the dancing, singing, pink dress wearing Naruto. Kakashi pulled out a camera and began to film him.

"Hello million hits on youtube!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Come on sweety! Act stupid for the camera!" Kakashi coaxed as Sakura got even more pissed. Naruto continued dancing and singing as Neji, Lee, and Tenten walked up the road to this abomination.

"Neji! Please face me in a curry eating contest!"

"No, I have a full schedule all involving Tenten. So no." Suddenly Lee's hand was grabbed by Naruto in a dress and he made Lee start waltzing with him. Lee felt incredibly uncomfortable, Kakashi found this to be GOLD!

"Yes! Youtube will love me for posting this!" He started laughing, Neji and Tenten stood with blank faces, Sakura…Sakura? Where did Sakura go?

"THERE YOU ARE!" What the crap!? This is my room! No pink haired losers allowed! "You're doing all this!" Duh, I'm like, the author. "You have three seconds to turn Naruto back!" Or what? YOU'LL do something? HA! You'll just cry and Naruto will come and break a nail. Then Neji and Tenten started to make out. Kakashi, filming the other stuff, filmed this as we- "DAMN IT I SAID STOP!" Make me Sakura! Author kick ass power jutsu! Summon! GAARA! –Gaara appears-

"What the hell am I doing here?" Gaara! Destroy the pink haired one and I will give you cookies! "I Don't like cookies." …Ah, well…How about a bunny? "A BUNNY!?" Summon! Bunny! –Summons Furry bunny- "Sand coffin!" Gaara used Sand coffin on Sakura, then desert funeral. She is now dead, but I need her for other stories, so I bring her back as a mouse!

"What?" Neji pushed Tenten against a tree as they made out, this made the tree shake, which woke up a hawk, which ate Sakura. But it thought she tasted bad, so it puked her back up. She was dead though. Lee meanwhile, died of embarrassment. Kakashi died of laughter. Neji and Tenten…died of lack of oxygen. The bunny I gave Gaara died, Kankuro hates bunnies…enough said…All that was left, was Naruto.

"Oh no! All my friends are dead! I must use my magical pretty princess pixie powers to bring them back to life!" He began jumping around, (Kakashi's camera is still recording by the way), and big pixie wings came out of Naruto's back. Fallowed by sparkles! SPARKLES OF DOOM! But these sparkles with the magic words, aka the lyrics to milkshakes, brought his friends back to life, and Sakura not a mouse anymore. Damn it, I liked her better as hawk puke. As soon as Neji and Tenten came back to life, the ran like hell the other way. Lee curled into a ball and sucked his thumb. Kakashi continued filming, and Sakura gave up trying to win against me.

Kakashi got to a computer later that night, and posted the video on youtube, it got more hits then ever the dramatic look gopher, and he got a cookie from Bill gates.

**I do not own anything…did I mention that? I don't care! I like writing random crap! Naruto loves that pink dress! Now review! Or Naruto will dance his pretty princess pixie milkshakes dance next to you! And you'll have to watch it…if you like that sort of odd thing, then the opposite will happen!**


	2. Who's briging WHAT back?

**A.N: NARUTO IS A PRETTY PRINCESS PIXIE! RESPECT HIS AUTORITY!...I had an energy soda what of it? You tell me I shouldn't drink them because kids with A.D.H.D shouldn't have caffeine!? I love my caffeine! Don't take it from me…**

**DISCLAIMER: **_**I don't own anything…**_

* * *

"Guys…" Shino whispered to his teammates.

"What Shino?" Kiba asked while petting Akamaru on the head…Hinata just stared and smiled. Shino looked at the ground…then at his teammates…

"I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK!" HE ripped off his clothes and showed that he was only wearing a Speedo that said 'Bug This!' He threw off his sunglasses, then he started jumping and shaking his butt. Kiba covered Akamaru's eyes and They both screamed and ran. Only to bump into Naruto wearing a dress.

"AHH!" They turned and ran the other way, only to bump into Shino again. They screamed, ran, bumped into Naruto. They continued this for a good…

-3 hours later-

"Ahh…Can't scream anymore…" They bumped into Naruto , then ultimately decided to split into different directions.

Hinata went into the Konaha streets and saw two random background character dudes making out. She flew back with a nosebleed.

Kiba and Akamaru on the other hand, found there way into the Konaha hot springs and fell in. They looked around only to see…CHOJI! NAKED! He passed out under the water…don't worry, I'm the author, he's not going to die…_yet._

**Just to be sure, I am a ROCK LEE fan girl, I just did Shino with that for shock value. Was it shocking? My friend Kannika (Thank her for the idea in the next chapter, which I will post up as soon as I can), started laughing really hard, but she laughs if you say pudding or cookie. Review and you can have a cookie!**


	3. Sexy off!

**A.N: Completely random eh? Now who loves Neji and Rock Lee? I do! Well, Lee, not nearly as much Neji. How 'bout they have a Sexy off? Two sexiest things in Konaha (Happy Kannika?) Have it out to settle once and for all, WHO IS THE SEXY KING!?**

**Disclaimer:**_** I don't own Naruto, or any other creation of Masashi Kishimoto.**_

"I challenge you to a sexy off!"

"Neji? Why would you want to go against all this sexy glory?" Lee mocked while Neji had a I-want-to-kill-Lee face. Ayame Ichiraku played with Lee's hair, because she thought it was awesome, which it is.

"I have more fan girls and you look like where the sun don't shine! That's why I'm going against your non existent sexiness!" Neji Screamed, Lee made an I'm-gonna-shoot-Neji-while-he-sleeps look, and Ayame almost got up to slap Neji for dissing her man.

"STOP COMPARING ME TO THAT! You, are, so, ON!" Lee shouted then jumped up. Tenten and Ino walked by and Neji made them sit against the tree, along with Ayame too.

"The girls will be the judges of the sexy off." Tenten and Ayame raised their hands.

"Yes Tenten?"

"Neji." Lee slapped his face.

"Yes Ayame?"

"Lee." Neji slapped _Lee's _face. Lee slapped Neji and then they had a sissy fight for a few minutes.

"No! You judge sexiness on who can do the sexiest thing! Not who you're dating." The girls went 'oh'. Then Neji started. Neji slowly pulled his shirt off then winked at the girls, this made Tenten giggle. Lee just rolled his eyes then pulled out a kunai. He cut a slit on his collar, then just ripped off the top half of the spandex reveling hard tai-jutsu abs! (A/N: I'm a major Lee fan girl, but I don't choose who the winner is)

"SEXY!" Ayame shouted, to which Lee blew his little heart kisses and Ayame giggled.

"Oh! You wanna play that game huh!?" Neji shouted. He pulled his headband off his head while snapping the rubber band off his hair. His hair flowed everywhere around him.

"OH MY KUNAI! SEXY!" Ino and Tenten shouted. Tenten looked at Ino, then pulled her by her pony tail into the bushes. A loud smack was heard, then the two girls came back. Ino with a big purple eye.

Lee shrugged off Neji's attempt. Then Pulled out a kunai and sliced down each leg of the jump suit. He stood on his hands and kicked off the last shreds of clothes and his sandals. He landed with his back to the girls and they looked at his ass. (A/N: -raises hand to that!-) When he turned the front of his _Speedos _said 'YOUTH".

"DAMN DAT BOY'S FINE!" Ino and Ayame squealed. Ayame looked at Ino, dragged her into the bushes, then a smack was heard. When they came out, Ayame sat down and Ino had two black eyes. Neji was pissed, he ripped off his shorts and struck a pose. He wore Speedos that said 'Anti-Youth' across the ass.

"HOTTIES!"

"Can you just tell us who won?" Neji asked while Lee struck a few poses for Ayame, who giggled and had a slight nosebleed.

"Do I win, or does Neji win?"

**You choose! Who wins? Neji Hyuga? Or Brian Donovan? **"My name is Rock Lee!" Fine! Be that way! **Lee or Neji? Who, is, se-**

"AKAMARU WINS!" Ino shouted.

"WHAT!?" Ino bounced up and down.

"Akamaru wins!" Akamaru then came from the bushes walking like a poodle to 'too sexy for my shirt' played in the back round. Neji, Lee, Tenten, and Ayame stood stupefied.

"Oh yes! Akamaru is the sexiest beast!" Ino baby talked while scratching Akamaru's ears. Neji turned to Lee.

"This sucks! We are way more man pretty then that dog!" Neji huffed.

"Yeah, we are way more…what did you say we were?"

"MAN PRETTY! We are so man pretty!" Tenten had a wtf face. Ayame and Lee ran. Lee still in only a Speedo. Neji continued ranting about being 'man pretty', Tenten hitting her head against a tree, Ino petting Akamaru, and Naruto jumping from the bushes…wait what?

"THIS STORY HAD NO POINT! TELL THE PEOPLE!" Naruto shouted and ran around with his pink dress fluttering and big pixie wings. What have I done?

**Yes, Akamaru won the sexy off. That's what we get when we let Ino judge something. And my friend Dylan came up with Man pretty. NEXT TIME! They'll all go to Suna for a lemonade festival! What random thing will happen that's so incredibly stupid?! Review, and you get a cupcake.**


	4. Most disturbing chapter, ever

**A.N: It's Time for more…NARUTO STUPID RANDOMNESS! We've dealt with (and still deal with) Pixie Naruto, Speedos, and Sexy puppies! What other strange inappropriate things will we have to deal with next!? BUNNIES MADE OF LEMONS!?...Dang, you guys are good.**

**Disclaimer: **_**Copy paste what I said in the first chapter here.**_

Naruto (Still in that dress), Sakura, and Hinata went to Suna for the once a year lemonade festival. As soon as they got there, they were given lemonade, and hats…that looked like lemons. You know like the ones you get at fairs and people look at you and wonder what horrible thing did someone drop you on as a baby for you to be wearing that in public? Ya those kind of hats…Did I just go family guy for a second? Well anyways, they wore those kind of hats and tried to find the sand sibs. All they found was Gaara huddled over something.

"Hey Gaara! What cha doing?" Naruto asked in a girly voice to mach the dress. Gaara turned to them and showed them a yellow blobish thing.

"See? I made a Bunny out of Lemons!" Gaara said. The other stared at the thing that looked nothing like a rabbit in anyway. It looked like a lemon blob.

"Pet my bunny." Gaara said in a baby voice, all three looked at him with a twitchy eye.

"What?"

"PET MY BUNNY!"

"Gaara, no, that just sounds too wrong." Sakura said trying to calm the agitated sand boy.

"PET MY DAMN BUNNY!"

"NO! THAT SOUNDS WRONG!"

"Only because you have a sick and dirty mind! Now Pet my bunny before I kill you with sand!" (A/N: Yes, This sounds INCREDIBLY wrong. I'm sorry for scarring your minds.) Anyways, The scared not ready to die yet teens patted the blob. Then Gaara threw it over his shoulder. Naruto started to shake his hips making the dress twirl and Gaara bitch slapped him.

"No doing that…ever…" Gaara said, then Hinata noticed a giant Lemon n a stage…not to be confused with the fanfiction term, this is the fruit.

"What's that Gaara?" Hinata asked.

"It's a lemon Hinata, mostly used in Lemonade!" Naruto said, trying to sound scientific.

"No! I mean What's it for?"

"It's a giant hallow lemon and when the beep is heard it will break and something will come out. It's different every year." Gaara said then glared at Naruto for some unknown reason.

"What's in it?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know."

"You don't know!?" Sakura threw her arms up knocking Naruto into Gaara for a remake of the SasuNaru kiss, Hinata had a nosebleed and nearly passed out because she knows she likes it. (A/N: Sorry Brian.)

Gaara almost immediately slapped Naruto across his face. Then a beep was heard and they faced the giant lemon which shook.

Then cracked.

Then broke open to revel…

SHINO IN A SPEEDO SINGING AND DANCING TO SEXY BACK!!

"NOOOOOOOOO!!" The four shouted, then all ran away…TO PIXIE LAND!...No, not really, they really fell into a hole. They felt safe from Shino there.

**Another chapter done! I swear these will begin getting longer later. Next up is SPPEDOS! Why do all the guys wear them? Tenten, Hinata, Ayame, and Ino are going to find out…till then, review for a blueberry muffin! (Yay MUFFIN!)**


	5. Second most disturbing chapter, speedos

**A/N: Speedos are weird, but funny to write about! Also, my brother has eaten all the cupcakes and cookies, so I can't give you anymore, sorry. Just so you know I smacked him for it…I'll think of something…**

**DISCLAIMER: **_**I don't own Naruto…oh but what's this? Speedos? That say youth…**_

* * *

"I bet they all wear them!" Ino proclaimed. Her, Hinata, Tenten, and Ayame were discussing whether all the boys wore speedos. They knew Lee, Neji, Naruto, Shino, and Choji wore them…don't ask how they found out, except for Lee, Shino, and Neji which you should already know.

"I want to know!" Tenten exclaimed.

"I just want to see them in their underwear!" Ayame then grinned and the other girls stared at her. Hinata blushed thinking about seeing all the boys in speedos, all together in a sm-…Why don't we not look through Hinata's mind alright?

They heard talking and saw Shikamaru and Kiba walking down the road discussing something that involved big scientific words that hurt my and many other people's brain. Ino smiled and ran over to the two and pulled their pants down.

"Hey! They wear speedos too!" Shikamaru wore speedos with a shogi piece on the front, Kiba's said 'who's the big dog now?' on the front. Very odd. Ino ran back to the girls.

"Not cool Ino!" Kiba yelled.

"It's rude to pull people's pants down randomly! What if we were going commando!?" Shikamaru shouted, to which Ino and the other girls passed out with a nosebleed.

As the girls woke up from passing out, they were surrounded by every guy in Konaha. They stared at everyone for a moment, then the guys ripped off most of their clothes. All of them, had speedos.

"Oh,"

"my,"

"cheese." The girls looked at Ino who said that last part, then mumbled something about her being a dumb blonde.

"W-Why are you all here? IN ONLY SPEEDOS OR MINOR CLOTHING!" Tenten shouted, that's when Kakashi and Gai stepped forward. Gai's had a lotus on the back, and Kakashi's had the icha-icha paradise logo on the front and 'look at my ass' on the back.

"Cause speedos are-" Kakashi slapped a hand over Gai's mouth because if he said 'youthful', all the guys except him and Lee would go commando at the same time.

"We wear them because there was a sale. 50 for 5 bucks." Kakashi said. He still had a mask on his face.

"How could we resist!?" Naruto shouted in pink speedos that said 'pretty pixie princess' on them. He couldn't find any that said pretty princess pixie, so he settled for that. Then…ALL THE GUYS STARTED DANCING TO SEXY BACK! The girls stood in awe, then passed out from blood loss.

Next, a giant sake bottle appeared and poured over the dancing men! It was cool…(A/N: Did I mention I'm kind of perverted?) Some got into lee's mouth though, so being drunk, and in speedos, he started beating everybody to a black and blue nearly naked pulp. He then climbed a tree and passed out, fell out the tree, used such bad language it's not allowed to be placed in a rated T fanfiction, climbed back up the tree, and slept till he was hangover. In which, he slept in the tree for another day.

**See? Speedos can be a strange force to deal with. Especially when used by the extremely sexy men…I need therapy. Please review, and if you're a girl the Naruto guy of your choice will come to your house in Speedos! Except Lee, he's tied up in my room right now. Lee: SOMEONE CALL FOR HELP! Me: Ignore him, and if you're a guy…you can have this pink pen! My friends Keith and Dylan love pink pens! Plus it's the only other thing I can offer you besides bits of string.**


	6. Night of the living trash can!

**A/N: Mood-Happy, Listening-hey Juliet, Watching-Nothing! I'm writing dang it!**

**So I made this next chapter as a sequel to LEE THE PLAYER. Trash can…that thing is scary as hell. Sorry, you'll see.**

**By the way…as a reminder, anything underlined is me talking to the characters from my room.**

* * *

Lee threw a punch, then another. He was practicing his tai jutsu against a log and getting splinters in his bandages. He sat down and began undoing them, once finished with that, he threw the bandages at Neji's head. Neji began screaming about splinters up his nose as Lee put new bandages on his hands. Then he yawned and decided to get some rest. He went home, dressed in only his speedos and a plain t-shirt, then fell asleep in his bed.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

_Thump_

"What?" Lee heard a loud thump. He looked around while rubbing his still half asleep eyes. He saw nothing, so he lied back down.

_Thump!_

"Huh?" He heard the sound again. He opened one eye, but shrugged it off and pulled the covers up.

_THUMP!_

"I know I heard something!" Lee sat up and turned his attention to his bedroom door which slowly opened to show…Naruto? Gai Sensei? Neji? BARNEY!? AHH!...sorry, I just scared myself with that last one, but really. It was…THE TRASH CAN!

"No! I-It can not be! It is impossible!" Lee screeched.

"It is me Lee, you tried to have Naruto Kill me." The trash can…said…

"No! The author did it!" Oh no! Don't you go blaming this on me! I didn't go crazy and begin a rivalry with it! 

"Now, Now Lee. It is time…for you…TO DIE!" Lee screamed and grabbed the closest thing to him, which just happened to be an empty soda can. Unfortunately, trash can ate it.

"Yummy, but not as delicious as HUMAN FLESH!" Lee screamed again and jumped out his window, forgetting he was on the third floor. He slammed stomach first on a tree branch, then fell face forward, did a freak flip, and landed with a thud on his butt.

"Ouch." He mumbled. He remembered the trash can and ran. And as the author I gave him his shoes. Trash can was not happy.

"Don't you move! I'll get you! And after that, I'm eating the author!" Holy crap! I'm scared! Where's my Lee plushie? Lee on the other hand ran like a banshee down Konaha's streets at midnight. Some how, this did not wake or phase anyone.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Lee got to Ayame's and began banging on the door. Ayame answered, rubbing her eyes. Obviously getting out of a good sleep.

"Lee? What do you want babe?"

"Trash can! Trash can!" She pulled Lee into her chest.

"Now, now Lee. You just had another nightmare, like when you dreamed you were Sasuke."

"NO! Why did you remind me about that!?" I swear chapter 11 or something will be this dream. Cause I feel like writing this dream. Why? Cause I just damn do. Anyways, Lee cuddled up to Ayame. That's when her dad came out!

"What the hell is your face doing in my daughter's chest?"

"…" Lee was then punched across the street. He saw Ayame blow him a kiss, then go inside. Lee sprung up then ran to Tenten's. When he got there, he pounded on the door until someone opened it, to which he grabbed what he thought was Tenten's wrists. Really, they were her brother that I made up for the purpose of the story's.

"Tenten! Please! I need you! Right now."

"…"

"Ten- You are not Tenten."

"No, no I am not." Lee was then punched by her over protective brother to the front of the Hyuga exhibit, I mean cages, I mean domain. He stood up and wondered why these people have all been pissed off with him. He began knocking on the door. Hanabi answered the door.

"Lee!"

"Hello Hanabi, please get Neji."

"No!"

"No?"

"No! I want to talk with you!"

"Why?"

"Cause you're really hot."

"Uhh." Uhh…I didn't write that. Hanabi! Fallow the damn script!

"No! Make Lee dump that Ayame girl and be with me!" You're like, 8! You need to be with someone closer to you're age, like Udon! "No! He's yucky! I want Lee!"

"I think I was supposed to be doing something that involved me not dieing. Oh right, trash can…trash can!?" Remembering, Lee ran off to Naruto's while Hanabi pouted.

He knocked on Naruto's door and Naruto came out in a pink night gown with an avocado mask. He took one look at Naruto, then ran away screaming to his sensei's. He rather not have any help then look at Naruto like that.

Once at Gai Sensei's, he knocked his head on the door till his sensei came out. "Gai Sensei!" Gai looked at them with bed head and big bags under his eyes. He was obviously not to happy about being waken up. "Trash can!" Gai sensei's eye twitched, then he went back inside leaving Lee defenseless. He ran out to the middle of the street. He felt really cold. Most likely from being in only a speedo and t-shirt, but if your worst enemy who's supposed to be dead suddenly appeared in your room and wanted to kill you. Would you run, or put on pants then run? He looked around to see Sakura.

"Sakura? What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, but I bet the author is going to some how torture me seeing as how she hates me and that Matsuri chick." Sakura was suddenly eaten by the trash can! Lee screamed as the trash can began to look sick.

"Oh great, I must be allergic to useless." The trash can then threw up. (A/N: The trash can is literally just a trash can, no eyes, no legs, no arms, the mouth is the space between the lid and the rim of the metal can.) Lee screamed again. Then started to run.

"Mommy!" Lee screamed.

"Your mom is a slut in the bad neighborhoods in Vegas!" Lee stopped. Then turned.

"That…was NOT nice!" Lee ran to the trash can and kicked it over.

"Damn! One of my weaknesses! Why do I have to be a cylinder!?" Lee _then_ ran screaming like a girl.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

The trash can hopped down the street. Lee stepped out from an ally way with an evil smirk on his face. Let's also not ask how the trash can got back up.

"You, Rock Lee…I will enjoy eating you unlike that pink haired thing. So get that smirk off your face!" Lee just chuckled at what the evil in the form of a trash can said. Really, I'm afraid of my own creation.

"Kicking you over is one weakness? Well I found another…HOBOS THAT HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM!" Lee pulled a hobo from the ally way.

"No!" The trash can yelled. Lee laughed evilly.

"Look Hobo man! A nice clean trash can!" Lee shouted while pointing to the evil. The trash can then turned to try and escape.

"Oh good, I really have to go." The hobo dude said. The trash can screamed and the hobo chased it. Lee didn't smile, he may have won the battle with the trash can, but not the war…he knew it would be back…also, I brought Sakura back to kill her again later.

* * *

**Well I have wanted to do that for a while! I loved Lee the player, and there will be a sequel to this chapter in a later chapter…I hope…well, anyways, my brother ate your cupcakes and cookies again. –smacks him- So, let's see what's in this box eh?...AH! GIANT BUG! LEE! KILL IT! Lee: It is just a-HOLY CRAP! Me: Anyone want a giant bug?! PLEASE!? Lee: -kills bug- I got it! Me: Great, now what do we give them? Lee: Well, I used this bike seat to kill it. Me: Fine, review and you get a bug gut covered bike seat…no one's going to review… Lee: I would! **


	7. Yope, and Saving Rock Lee!

**A/N: Yes, I am crazy…but not as crazy as Keith…**_**this in bold is Keith.**_** Huh? Oh yeah, Check out my bud Kannika's stories if you like NejiTen, she gives me random things to turn into these random stories you read now!**

**Copyright: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! NOT EVEN YOPE!**

* * *

Sakura was suddenly…CUT IN HALF! Did I do it? No, it was Keith's character Yope! Wait? Yope? _**Hey Alli! Mind if I cut in?**_Yes! This is my story! And you'll just torture Lee like you always do! _**Maybe…**_ wait a minute…HOW'D YOU GET IN MY ROOM!? _**Let's just go on with the story!**_

Lee was sitting eating his lunch. Curry, _**now Yope hates curry, but to torture Lee, he grabbed it and ate it!**_Damn it Keith!

"My Curry!"

"Man I hate this. But seeing you cry is worth it!" _Yope __**said finishing off the…NERVOUS! Stop touching me like that!**_Then shut up and stay out of my story! Or else!

"Look whoever you are, we don't care that you killed Sakura, but do you have to pick on our teammate?" Tenten asked.

"I'm Yope an- Oh look! A pie cart!" A pie cart came down the road and Yope chased after it. _**Pie!**_And apparently so is Keith. Finally. Now, why don't we read something more interesting? Like, Hanabi kidnapping Rock Lee?

* * *

"You think Sakura is dead?" Lee asked poking the dead body with a stick. Suddenly Hanabi came up to the group.

"Hi!" Neji and Tenten rolled their eyes.

"Hello Hanabi." Lee said half-ass paying attention, he was too busy poking the dead body with a stick.

"I want Lee!" She said. Lee wondered what she meant by that, suddenly she glomped Lee and started attacking him with lots of kisses. Lee was getting really pissed off.

"STOP THAT! I have a girlfriend!"

"but I don't like her! I want you Lee!" She then dragged Lee off. Lee was screaming. They tried chasing after her, but Hanabi began foaming at the mouth and Neji screamed like a girl. He jumped into Tenten's arms till she dropped him. (For being to heavy). Hanabi ran with him to the Hyuga cage, I mean holding pin…I mean domain…

"Tenten, we have to save him!" Neji shouted, Tenten looked at him weird.

"You want to save him?"

"No, but he owes me 20 bucks." Neji stated turning his head to the sky to think a bit.

"Oh, right! He owes me a 50! We won't let him die till he pays us back!" She punched her hand and the two started to think on how to get Lee from the creepy wild child.

Lee was shaking as he sat on Hanabi's bed. All of her hundreds of stuffed animals shot bullets at him with their eerie marble eyes. Lee felt a chill go up his spine when he peered into her closet. In it was pictures of him, pictures of Neji and Ayame with darts in it. She had dolls that looked like him, some of his hair, old spandex he threw away, gum, spoons that he wondered what happened to, and even love notes he wrote to Sakura before he fell for Ayame that Sakura threw away. Lee began shaking more when he heard…

"Lee, ready to play?" It sounded so cute, because it was from an 8 year old girl, but to Lee…it was just as evil as the trash can. He slowly turned and Hanabi held up a blue dress, complete with a bunt tail poof right above the butt, and a bunny ears hat. "Put this on Sexy Bunny."

"Wha-What!?"

"Sexy Bunny, put on this dress and hat!" Lee stood firm.

"No! I will not degrade myself like that." Hanabi shook her head.

"Oh Lee, That was the _wrong_ answer." Hanabi then pulled from behind her back…a rabid weasel glued to a stick! Lee reared back, he never saw something so horrible. "Put this dress on, or my friend glued to this stick here, will ruin your pretty little face! And we both don't want that now do we Lee?" Lee shook and Took the dress from Hanabi, and began to change, Hanabi giggled evilly.

**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxO**

"Alright, Then we'll helicopter in from point A, being careful of the killer trained flamingos she may have, then we'll sneak in dodging the alligator filled pits. Then-" Tenten put a finger on Neji's mouth.

"Neji, She's 8, at best she'll have weak little booby traps."

"Heh, booby." Tenten smacked the back of Neji's head, then thought as Neji recovered from the smack which he just considered a love tap.

"Why don't we just go in, smash the door to her room down, then drag Lee out. She's a little girl! What possible evil could she do?"

**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxO**

Lee was now tied up with chakra resistant rope. Struggling a bit as Hanabi set up a table in her room for a tea party, Lee was wearing the dress and Hanabi sat down after setting the glued rabid weasel next to Lee. It growled at him and Lee attempted to back away but Hanabi glared a him. Le just settled.

"Would you like some tea Rabid Weasel?" The rabid weasel snapped at Lee and Hanabi handed him a cup with invisible tea. Lee just tried not to get rabid weasel mouth foam on him or his dress. Hey, if he was gonna wear it, he was going to WORK IT! "Would you like tea Sexy Bunny?" Hanabi asked pouring more invisible tea into a cup.

"Well, actually, I think I drank too much tea before I got here, I really have to use the bathroom, may I please use the bathroom?" Lee begged.

"Nope, If I let you use the bathroom, you'll just run away from me Love. And me and Rabid Weasel don't want that, now do we rabid weasel?" Lee shook as The weasel growled and hissed at him. Foam spluttered from it's mouth. Lee felt a hot tear roll down his face. "Oh! I have another fun idea! Let's play make up studio!" Hanabi crawled onto her table and pulled out a tube of lipstick with Hinata's name on the side. She took off the top and pressed it to Lee's lips, he would have moved, but he was pressed against a wall with Hanabi in front, and a killer weasel to the side.

**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxO**

"Alright Neji, I see Hanabi's room. Neji? Neji?" Tenten looked around for Neji. He came running up with a folder in his hand.

"Sorry, Hinata wasn't home, so I thought I'd take her Yaoi. It scares me how obsessed she is with it, so I'm taking it and cutting her off cold turkey."

"MOMMY! SAVE ME!" The two Lovers-

"WHAT!?" Sorry dudes, I mean, the two _teammates_ looked to the door after hearing Lee's cry for his mommy. She was currently in Vegas, yes the trash can wasn't kidding. Lee just hates it when people talk about what his family does…He hates his family…I'll explain in it's own chapter later cause I'm getting off topic. Anyways, they went to the door and attempted to open it. Not only was it locked, but a rabid Opossum fell from above the door onto Neji's head.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S EATING MY HAIR! GET IT OFF ME!" He ran down the hall slamming into halls. Tenten groaned then chased after him to get the crazed animal. When she finally caught up with him, it was attempting to caught up a Neji hair ball, Neji held his hair while lying on the ground, which was at least 3 inches shorter and no longer in a rubber band. Tenten picked him off the floor then patted him on the head.

"Obviously, that won't work." Tenten examined from the situation.

"I think…I have yet another idea." Neji Came up with an idea, then the Opossum reattacked Neji again, causing him to scream. The idea would have to wait for Tenten to save Neji again.

**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxO **

Lee whimpered as Hanabi began Kissing Lee's face, getting blush all over her mouth seeing as how he had enough blush to make his face look like a cherry, bright pink lipstick, and enough eye liner to rival Gaara's eyes. Lee was trying hard to keep his mouth away from Hanabi. That's when a strong blast smashed the door in. And there stood, Neji, Tenten, and Hiashi.

"Hanabi, WE TOLD YOUR DAD ON-" The tens stopped mid sentence when they saw Lee, Tenten took out a camera while Neji laughed his literal ass off. That's right, Neji Hyuga no longer has a butt. –Gets slapped by Kannika- Fine, he can have his butt back. Anyways, They stood back up and Lee was beyond pissed. He was tied up by a little girl, and now, his teammates are laughing at him.

"Shut up and save me! She has a rabid weasel!"

"And a rabid opossum." Neji said showing his now extremely short hair. (A/N: I'll make it better before the next chapter fan girls). Hiashi untied Lee, Lee thanked him, then slapped the camera from Tenten's hand and stepped on it.

"Hey!"

"Ever tell anyone about this, and I swear to you I will show the pictures of the mission when we fought those guys who had sharp pointy sticks!" Neji and Tenten covered their butt and Lee began ripping off the bunny suit and back into his spandex. Tenten handed him a napkin to get the make-up off. Hiashi eyed Hanabi.

"Hanabi, what have I told you about kidnapping people?" Hiashi said.

"Do not forget threatening people with a weasel on a stick!" Lee shouted. He was clearly pissed. Hiashi's eyes got bigger.

"I thought I took all your rabid animals!?" He took the rabid weasel glued to the stick. "Poor thing, I'll half to put it out of it's misery, you kids shouldn't watch this. Author person?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXBLACK OUT FOR SAFTY REASONS!XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"oh, my, god." Tenten said threatening to puke, covered in weasel guts.

"Thank goodness the author didn't let you people know what happened." Lee mumbled.

"Well Hanabi, you know I hate putting the animals out like that. You're grounded till May 1st." Hanabi pouted. Neji rolled on the floor.

"BLOOD! I LOVE THE BLOOD!" The others all looked at him, then jumped into the same hole from chapter 4.

**Well this was…weird and odd. But we like that eh? RANDOM! Review for cupcakes! –Brother tied up screaming in the bathroom- He won't be eating your cupcakes anymore.**


	8. To the Beach

**A/N: Who wants more stupid randomness? Sorry, I prewrite the chapters, and I wanted to get a different chapter of this done. But now You can get all the more stupidity! That's right. I'm talking beach baby.**

**Copyrights: **_**I WISH I OWNED LEE!...but sadly, I can't because I'm a teenager and Teens don't get to really own anything.**_

* * *

Lee, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata, Ayame, Neji, Tenten, and Ino went to the beach that morning, even though it was very cold. Because even though it's spring, it's still rainy and cold. But it wasn't raining that day. Yay for those who don't live in rainy states. But I'm rambling now.

"Hey dudes! Let's change into our…Lee! Stop poking that fat guy with a stick!" Lee was using a stick he found to poke a very fat sun bather. Lee laughed.

"oh! But Tenten! His stomach jiggles like jello when I poke his unyouthfully large stomach!" The guy broke Lee's branch/stick thing, then belly bumped him away. Lee brushed the sand off him and looked to his friends.

"As I was trying to say, we're going to go change into bathing suits now." Tenten and the other girls plus Naruto went into the bathrooms to change. The other guys peeled off their clothes down to their speedos. They girls came out and the guys nearly died of bloodloss, then Naruto came out…her was also wearing a two piece bikini like the girls. He got may, not so good looks.

"Why are you staring at me? I'm a pretty Princess Pixie! What did you except me to do? Only wear a speedo? That's un-lady like!" Naruto smiled and Neji slapped his face.

"Naruto! You are a man! There for, YOU DON'T WEAR BIKINIS UNLESS YOU'RE A GIRL!" Neji screamed. Lee snuck into the water. Soon, the others jumped in too.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Tenten splashed Neji in the water. That's when she felt a disturbance. What was the disturbance? Lee pulling off her bikini top.

"LEE!" She shrieked.

"Ha! Besides being addicted to poking things with a stick I'm also addicted to boobs!" He yelled holding up a blue (Hinata), Green (Ayame), Red (Sakura), Purple (Ino), Black (Some random girl), and yellow (Tenten) Bathing tops. He smiled at his success. Neji came over and smacked him making him drop the tops, the girls took their tops back and Lee was left alone. She slowly sunk under the water like a sea monster or something.

"Neji, I can't get this tied in the back, can you help?" Tenten asked Neji. Neji's face turned red and He helped her tie it, turned around, and had a major nosebleed on Sakura.

"Hey!"

"Not Un Sorry." Neji said, sinking under the water. Suddenly, a shark smelt Neji's blood on Sakura and ate her. No one cared. The shark threw up, for it was also allergic to uselessness. Lee was on the other side of the beach stalking Ayame for her top back…He's not paying attention at all…I'll be right back.

…

…

…

"What the hell just stole my speedos!?" Lee screeched. I came out of the water holding his speedos.

"Yes! I am addicted to Tai jutsu boys!"

"Who are you!?" He asked holding hiding his family jewels.

"The author. And I have to get back to work now. Bye-Bye for now." I sunk back under and Lee was left naked in the water.

Meanwhile, Hinata was poking starfish in a wading pool.

"Come on! Wake up! I have ice cream!" Ino came up.

"What are you doing Hinata?" Ino asked sitting next to her.

"I want this starfish to start talking! I mean, I have this sponge, and you know the TV show…"

"Hinata, the starfish will not start making out with the sponge." Ino and Hinata stood up and walked away from the wading pool. Hinata threw the sponge over her shoulder and it landed in the wading pool.

"Hey Pat! She's gone!" The sponge whispered to the starfish.

"Awesome! Let's go find squiddy!" …ok, this was not in the script in the least bit.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

"Come on Lee! Time to go!" Naruto shouted to Lee still in the water hiding his baby maker…well, _future _baby maker.

"Not till the author gives me my speedos back!" He shouted. YOU AIN'T GETTING THEM BACK EITHER! "You are not nice!" No, I'm obsessive. Neji went into the water and handed Lee a pair of swim trunks, Lee reluctantly put them on.

"They feel so natural! I want my speedos back!" Lee shouted. He has more at home. He'll be fine. Sakura is still Shark puke right now.

**Well, time to end yet another chapter. Don't worry, it's not the end. There will be more stupid randomness on another day! So review to not see Naruto in a bikini.**


	9. Barney is coming for you

**A/N: Hi Everybody! Time for another stupid random thingy! Today, we find out more about that creepy dinosaur! No, I don't mean Tom Cruise! I mean Barney! (That joke made no sense)**

_**Copyrights: As usual protocol, I don't own anything!**_

"Don't bring me up! Buttercup baby just to bring me down!" Naruto and Sakura skipped down the road singing buttercup baby.

"I love you!" The two heard. They stopped and looked around. "You love me!"

"Wtf?" Sakura said turning around and searching for the source of the voice.

"We're a happy family!"

"There's no such thing as a happy family! Whatever is making that sound is a dirty filthy liar!" Naruto, who is still in a pink dress, yelled. Suddenly, a purple felt dinosaur jumped from the bushes.

"WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU!" It grabbed Naruto and Sakura and squeezed them in a hug.

"C-Can't…BREATH!" Those were Sakura's last words. Naruto tried kicking it, but he soon lost circulation to the small brain he had from the hug. He closed his eyes. The purple dinosaur dropped them.

"Won't you say you love me too?!" It skipped back into the darkness of the bushes.

* * *

"What could have killed two of my ninjas?" Tsunade said, looking at the two dead purple faced bodies.

"I don't know lady Tsunade. It seems impossible." Shizune mumbled.

"Heh, Impossible you say? Non-Sense!" They looked to Where the voice came from. Lee was leaning against a tree with a toothpick in his mouth.

"What do you mean?" Tsunade demanded of Lee. Lee flicked the hair from his face.

"I have been tracking it for years. Ever since it killed my mother with it's hug and tried to get me. I barley escaped it's hug. That hug took my spirit chakra which is the exact reason I can not use gen or nin jutsu." Lee said.

"I thought you couldn't from birth!" Shizune gasped.

"I made that up. Just to save face. Hard to say you became powerless from a purple dinosaur eh?" Lee said.

"What's it called Lee?" Tsunade demanded.

"Barney. It's pure evil escaped from the depths of hell it's self. Put me in charge. I'll kill it for you." Lee stared at them. Tsunade and Shizune looked at Lee.

Stare

Stare

Stare

_STARE! _Ok, can we just get on here? We understand you stared for a long time!

"You heard the author. What is it going to be?"

"…Go ahead. Get rid of it." Lee nodded.

"It attacks in a pattern. It must be going after things that wear pink. Next should be…Tenten. Have Tenten come to my house. If he is going after girls wearing pink, she'll be next."

"But Naruto isn't a girl." Shizune said.

"Have you seen how he's been acting? He's going after girls wearing pink." Lee turned around. "Have her at my house in an hour." He walked away. Tsunade and Shizune stared at him.

"That boy…is one strange freak of nature," Tsunade said.

"Yeah, but he's hott!" Shizune said. Tsunade smacked her.

* * *

Tenten knocked on Lee's door. Lee opened it slowly.

"Hello Tenten. Come in." Lee said. Neji peered out behind Tenten.

"Tenten is not to be allowed to be alone with you in your house Lee." Neji said. The two teammates of the young green beast jostled into Lee's house. They actually have never been there before. When they got in…

Gasp.

The walls were covered in pictures and newspaper articles about the trash can and Barney. It had love notes written to Ayame and Sakura as well.

"L-Lee? Where's your furniture?" Neji asked. Lee pushed a button and the walls flipped down and revealed a normal home.

"Sorry, you guys came a bit earlier. I was still studying." Lee said. Then got his teammates cookies.

"Lee, we think you may have a problem. And a big one at that." Tenten said. She was forced to come by Tsunade.

"Shut up. I can't stand The trash can and Barney. Don't think I don't know what I'm doing!" Neji and Tenten shook. Lee scared them. That's when they heard the voice.

"I love you!"

"He's _HERE!_" Lee said in an incredibly creepy voice. Neji and Tenten continued trembling.

"You Love me!"

"Prepare yourselves!" Lee shouted. That's when they heard a knock on Lee's window.

"We're a happy family!" There was the dinosaur at the window. Neji and Tenten screamed. Lee began laughing manically. Barney busted through the wall.

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!" It scooped up Neji and Tenten, ignoring Lee completely.

"Won't you say you love me too!" Neji and Tenten gasped for air.

"I hate you, you hate me, Rock Lee's gonna kill Barney! With a reverse lotus and another punch to go! You'll be a dead dinosaur!" Lee cracked his knuckles. Then Punched Barney in the nose. Neji and Tenten fell to floor. Gasping for breath.

"So we meet again Barney." Lee hissed.

"Oh! You're the boy that didn't stay dead!"

"Nor will I. Now feel the wrath of Lee!" Lee jumped Barney and punched him, bit him. And ripped his head off. Now, When you rip an evil life sucking dinosaur's head, what do you see?

A black soul?

Blood?

Guts?

A slightly smaller evil dinosaur?

No, you see…THE ENTIRE AKASUKI ALL IN THE SUIT!

"I KNEW IT WAS PURE EVIL!" Lee shouted.

"Damn it Sasori! I told you The kid was a nut job and not to try and kill him!" Deidara said.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI WANT BACK IN BARNEY SUIT!" Tobi yelled waving his arms like a mad man squeezed into the suit.

"Finally! Air and Sunlight! All praise the plant leader!" Zetsu yelled.

"Water! I need Water!" Kisame said with a Hand squishing Itachi's head in.

"Give a lady room to breath!" That blue haired chick Who's name escapes me yelled, gashing out Itachi's eye. Neji became so pissed he kicked the atasuki wrapped in a barney suit through the hole in the wall and far enough away to where their next appearance is Shippuden.

"Damn straight I pwnz." Neji Said.

"Hey! Hey! Who just got rid of the purple dinosaur so you could kick it?!" Lee yelled.'

"I don't want to know how they all fit in there." Tenten said shaking. Lee looked at the hole.

"Will anyone help me fix my wall?" Neji and Tenten ran away fast.

Oh, Naruto and Sakura were brought back to life amazingly.

**Another one done! Well? What do you think? Naruto was still the pretty pixie he is in this! And yes. Thank you To Kannika for saying "My brain exploded" when I told her this idea! Now review for chocolate milk!**


	10. I win

**A/N: Ok, Yeah I'm really bad. I'm so Sorry! I've been busy with an addiction to concerts. I've been to a cobra starship, two fall out boy, and an All Time low. I'm going to Owl City Next month too! AH! I need concert AA. Ok. And I have many new ideas that have come over the past… when was the last time I updated??**

**COPYRIGHTS I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! I IS NOTHING!**

"Yeah well I say Jimmy wouldn't be nearly as in love with Rachel if he didn't become Conan!" Naruto fought. A gleam of preparing to fight in his eye. Kakashi's eye twitched.

"Bull! Jimmy hasn't changed!" Kakashi stared, one eye still hidden behind his headband.

"Puh-LEEESE! You know nothing of detective Conan just case you saw a few random episodes doesn't make you master of the Anime!" Naruto yelled clenching his fist.

"You guys fight about the dumbest things." Sakura complained looking at her nails. "Besides, Jimmy will probably never go back to normal if he keeps over using that antidote." Kakashi and Naruto then turned their anger to her, and ninja kicked her out of the fanfiction and into the VMAs where she slammed into Kanye after being a jerk to Taylor swift.

"Well, that was two problems solved with one kick." Kakashi sighed. Naruto smiled and unwrinkled his dress.

"Maybe she'll actually stay out of the story now!" Naruto cheered, Kakashi smacked the back oh his head.

"Fourth wall Naruto, fourth wall." At that moment, Lee ran by with a big bow tie, glasses, and short blue shorts.

"OMFG! IT'S CONAN!" Naruto squeeled. Lee froze and looked at his outfit.

"Whoops, my bad. Costume change jutsu!" Lee poofed and his outfit was back to green. "Gai would like to challenge Kakashi!" Lee had a big grin and sparkly eyes. Kakashi shrugged.

"Why not, we managed to clear Sakura away I guess I could kick Gai into Miley Cyrus. Yet another problem would be solved." Kakashi walked slowly with Naruto dancing circles around him and Lee walking behind in a very strutty way.

Gai on the other hand was waiting at the village gates for Kakashi. Wind slightly blowing his hair. He rubbed his forehead and scanned for Kakashi. When he saw the pink dressed blonde boy he knew his rival would be coming. "KAKASHI BABY CAKES OVER HERE!" Gai yelled loud enough for the village to stare at Kakashi. He froze, Naruto dancing and lee walking in circles.

"Screw it I'm doing worse now, I'm kicking him into View." Kakashi whispered as he began to move forward again. Face red under the mask.

"Ready to play Kakashi?"

"Is that game called pit of death for Gai?" Kakashi joked… not really.

"Of course not! It's time to play…a game." Gai said in a very deep, dark, disturbing voice. He then disappeared and Naruto, Lee, and Kakashi blacked out.

-

Lee woke up on a cold hard floor. A chain around his foot. He began to open his eyes to look around. Naruto was awake and back in his orange jumpsuit and he seemed to be crying over that. Kakashi was hanging from the wall. Lee sprung up, (well, as much as one can when one's ankle is chained to the floor). "What in the name of Patrick Stump is going on!?" Lee yelled looking at Naruto.

"My dress Lee! My pretty, pretty dress is all gone!" Naruto cried. Big tears beginning to slide down his cheeks.

"I'm now going to kick Gai into the worst possible place. Gai's going to Detroit!" Kakashi yelled making an out of date reference. He tried pulling at the chains to no luck. Naruto meanwhile looked around the small dirty room.

"Eww, there's bugs in here." Naruto observed as a cockroach scuttled by.

"Naruto your house has cockroaches!" Lee yelled remembering the time he slept over so long ago.

"Yes, but my bugs are classy." Naruto stood up, allowing Lee to notice the chain on his ankle. "They all have little blue dresses with glitter and do the chacha on demand."

"Well, sorry I can't tell bugs apart." Lee said sarcastically. Lee reached for a kunai to cut the change but noticed all his weapons were gone. "hey!" He then tried pulling and biting the chain to break it, but nothing worked. Naruto sat and continued to pout about his dress and Lee's comments. "hey! Try your Rasengan! Come on Naruto!" Lee ordered. Naruto stood up.

"Say you're sorry." Naruto glared at the struggling Lee.

"Naruto not now!"

"Say you're sorry, and that you're poopy!"

"…That I'm sorry and poopy?" Lee questioned turning to Kakashi.

"Hey don't look at me I didn't make that kid." Kakashi sneered, looking away from Lee.

"Say it or I will not help you." Naruto said firmly. and that moment the wall that Kakashi hung on was reveled to be a big screen. Shino appeared on the big screen.

"Hello my pets" Shino said monotonely. Lee and Kakashi gasped. Naruto tightened.

"Hey where's my dress Buggy man!?" Naruto demanded. Shino chuckled.

"You creepy little child. I got rid of it. Please try to be somewhat normal Naruto." Shino said. Shino then held up Naruto's dress… and set it on fire.

"NO!! Dress-y! NO!" Naruto cried. Lee looked from Naruto, to Shino, and back. He watched as Naruto turned red and The dress turned black from being burned.

"What are you going to do now Naruto? Well?" Shino mocked, as the nine tailed fox in Naruto began to glow and become stronger, breaking Naruto's chain. Naruto sprung and the screen, almost getting Kakashi, but instead releasing him. Kakashi jumped down as Naruto slashed at the screen and released Lee. The two Went to a door in the corner of the room and went through it, noticing when them looked down…

They were just in a tree house.


End file.
